hopeless
Ron Hp quote
magowago12
how can i keep doing this
i have no one
no one knows who i am
I will be forever alone...
why even continue 
i wont ever be normal 
who could ever like me 
no one can
i'm so alone
i can trust no one 
noone cares
no one can understand 
I am so alone
I can not kill myself
I just cant do it
I dont know why 
I scream these words 
who will ever hear me
i am just 
i am just 
no one
i will keep going
i'm not brave enough 
i'm not brave
i cant eat these pills 
i am destined to be miserable
the rest of my life
no one makes me happy
no one 
i go to this website to talk to someone
isnt that sad
as if someone would read this
I am pathetic
but what is a nobody supposed to do
at least bella is gone i changed her password
i dont want her to know
i lie every day
she is the only person
she is the only person
i can talk to
not because she helps me
she doesnt
but i can talk to another lonely soul
always reaching out
 i am tired
i am so alone

Anger
Ron Hp quote
magowago12

The irrational anger is filling me.
I wish I could point the anger out at anything
But all my problems are my fault
I am what keeps me on the floor
I am not strong enough to move.
No one knocked me down
No one no force is keeping me here
But myself
__________________________________________

Anger is such a violent emotion.
Anger woulld like to rule me.
Make me give some to others
Anger wants me to blame others
Why am I never included?
Why don't you like me??
Why won't he smile and talk at me?
How have I disappointed you today?
If I am so smart, why don't they see it?
we all know it is not like that.
The anger whispers
"come on baby do something"
I am not like that
True.
The pain I am feeling is caused by my mistakes
I am the one who weakly worried instead of studied
I'm the one who fucked up my school life
I am the one who voices her opinions
I'm the one who fucked up my family life
I am the one who can never understand love
I'm the one who fucked up my romantic life
I am the one who tries to hard to be liked
I'm the one who fucked up my chance for new friends
I am the one who would rather read than play
Im the reason my friends don't know me


What can I do with all this anger facing in?
I have no clue.

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Trying to take a step
Ron Hp quote
magowago12

Only a couple weeks ago
My arms clawed at the darkness that is engulfing me.
My feet wearily kept pounding forward..
There has to be something better
A lighted warm place just up over this hill
True the sadness crippled me making it hard
But I kept going so sure of green grass
The loneliness was not stopping my me in my tracks.
The pressure of the future fueled me to go faster.
Even the negativity of my family towards me could not keep me from singing
My mind worked over time keeping positive.
I even saw a glimmer in my dark world.
Hope that I a girl who had lived in the twilight,
Could dance in a happy ray of sun.
I can not see that light anymore.
My grandfather got sick
My family's words whispers cut at me like knives
The stress was a weight on my back making me buckle in pain.
My mind gave up.
I can't remember anything anymore.
My mind gave up on happy thoughts.
So here I lay the deepest darkness
Choking on my despair
Freezing to death
No warmth can penetrate the dark..
This girl who cried in the twilight
This girl who wept in the midnight
This girl who swore to never hurt that much again
I now shake in the pitch black nothing.
I know I should pick my self up
Other people have had it worse.
If they can walk so should I
Yet I fear.
I am still.

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(no subject)
Ron Hp quote
magowago12

My dearest isabella

I miss you so much. My little best friend I have so much to tell you. Because I am trying to resist crippling depression I have looked up jokes sadly they are not as laugh out funny like you. Get better honey. I love you

Your friend
Jenny

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(no subject)
Ron Hp quote
magowago12

Dear my Isabella,

I have gone thru your pics you found... They are cute.. I had to make a slide show for my grandpas funeral I went thru my old pics and found one you took of me I posted them for you to stalk me when you get better I read all of your poems I love you even though you made me cry and feel worse. I love you Bella you can't get rid of me and seeing as taking care of your family has been my job for years I choose and always have chosen to be part of your family after all if I didn't have you guys what would i have fake friends who turn on the charm only when it is convient when they need something and yet they give nothing back. I told Josh about my grandpa and the stress with michelle and he changed subjects to his problems. It makes me feel so small and unimportant. As of my life does not equal others and all the help i give is for nothing. It is ok. I know soon as you are well enough you will yaddle at me and help me once again. I trust you Bella boo I don't lie to you even when you are lying at me. you make me feel important in this world silly I know but you do you make me feel not so small. I miss you get well soon


Love,
Jenny

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(no subject)
Ron Hp quote
magowago12

Hi Jenny
Hi Jen how are you
I'm under the weather I'm coming down with something.
Sorry hun.
What about you?
Ive been thinking about Shane lately
Aw I'm sorry what exactly?
How I'd be so more simpler
Dont do that I'd miss you
Really?
Yes you are my best friend what would I do without you?
:') thank you so much it has been eating at me for a while.
You should of said something before
Oh well you got any meds for your chest?
No and I don't have a pillow
Use a stuff animal?
Allergies would make me sicker
Ah soery good luck wwith what you got
I will be ok tomorrow I will sleep in church lol after someone breaks my neck back into place lol
Ok lol ill pray for you
Thanks goodnight
Sweet dreams goidluck
what I needed to hear since no one wants to be my god damn friend I have to be there for myself
Good convo me ;)

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(no subject)
Ron Hp quote
magowago12

My poor isabella Reggie told her something I can't disagree with he told her "I wish I had stayed unhappy addicted and blind so that you would still be happy and wont be trying to kill yourself but things are never going back and you need to either do the deed or realize you will never feel that kind of un conditional love again. Go cut yourself cry to others break my heart like your hero."
He is right and bella went with lay in her closet and cry.

Lets see what else. I am tried of being used but I am too weak to stand up I hate it I have no say in my life. Im hurting so bad and I try not to complain but I do and everyone jumps on me I am supposed to be ok not complain I have to be perfect for them and get NOTHING in return.
I just want a thanks Jen.
Ahug? A look? Anything?

Nope it is my fault.

I can't even think negatively about myself got to lie my ass off about that. I understand why I have no ficking friends I wouldn't be my friend. Anyways live journal the good thing about you is you dont complain you are being a whiner.

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i love these pictures
Ron Hp quote
magowago12






(no subject)
Ron Hp quote
magowago12
help me be stronger.

(no subject)
Ron Hp quote
magowago12

I wish someone would talk to me. Bella won't because I think she is awkward talking to me today. Cuevas is busy. My friends who are girls are on dates.
I have to go see my grandpa later not because I want to as I said before but he is doing a really bad and I HAVE TO go in
My grandpa has an afib now.... They don't know why he won't wake up.
I need to distract myself from the up coming torture but no one will talk to me
I am so lonely...
I am so scared.
Why is this happening to my family?
When will it stop.

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